I get lots of email about relationships. Everyone wants to find true love or break away from an "abusive" relationship. So, most of my posts try to help you in your search. But I thought I might try a different approach today. What if you saw your mate, the one you're already in a relationship with, in a fresh light? We are all so busy looking for the "red flags" that we miss seeing the wonderful. I think sometimes we throw away perfectly good relationships in search of the mysterious "something better".
If you are gathering up the evidence that your relationship is headed South, then you already have one foot out the door... What you look for, you will find. So, if you're looking for evidence of his being unfaithful, for instance, you brain WILL find something. You'll second guess everything he ever says. You'll assume every female in his life is a potential marital saboteur. You'll question his every motive until you have indeed convinced yourself that he must have cheated. "Look at all this evidence I found!" But perhaps, could I implore you to maybe look for reasons to... stay.
Today, let's look on your partner with eyes of love and see if any of these reasons apply to you.
(I've written this for both sides of the couple, but I'm going to write if from a female perspective and use the "he" pronoun for simplicity sake. )
- You can sit together in silence and do nothing in particular and still be perfectly happy in each other's company.
-You know that arguments are not necessarily deal breakers. It's never easy to confront a situation but you know that you are safe and loved enough to bring your issues to the table to talk them out. Problems will be worked out and not ignored, belittled or dismissed.
-He accepts you for who you are, blemishes and all. He accepts your kind of crazy and doesn't judge you! Go ahead and give in to that urge to get tacos late at night! He lets you watch all the award shows you want. He knows you're going to put your cold feet on his warm skin... and he LETS you!
-He is real with you. He's opened himself up so you could see his soul. He trusts you with his yesterdays and his tomorrows.
- You guys have future plans! It's on the calendar!
-Your heart still flutters when you see his name on your phone.
-You love hanging out with him. You just enjoy his company. You never run out of things to talk about and he makes you laugh. Whether it's something big like vacations or something small like folding laundry. You can't think of anyone else you'd rather fold your sheets with!
-Physical intimacy. He KNOWS you and knows your body and knows what you love and knows how to wake you up in the morning, and knows that a kiss or a touch can mean so much. He can speak to you with a simple touch.
-Trust. This is the person you can trust with your feelings, your secrets, your ambitions, your fears, with your whole being. You can go to him with anything and he will not betray that trust by judging you or not giving you the benefit of the doubt, or his undivided attention. He believes in you. Your conversations belong to you.
-He remembers the little things. Your birthday. That your favorite ice-cream is coffee and it's your reward to yourself. That you need quiet time to regroup. How you take your coffee in the morning... and makes it for you. That daffodils are your favoritist-favorite flower. That you don't like onions on your burgers... the little things.
-He shows up. He is there for you, supporting you and encouraging you. He's the one on the side-lines saying, "Yep, that's MY girl! Isn't she amazing?" He is by your side during times of trouble or even during that stupid Christmas party you're going to make him go to.
-Your families have blended. Your family accepts him as part of your life and his family loves you too.
-He says "I love you." ... and means it.
(and says it on his own! Not just "love you too"!)
-He knows you need best-friend time.
- When you are broken or hurting so deeply he is there. He is beside you or giving you space. He is close by when you need a hand. He catches you as you are falling and gives you a safe place to land. He protects you while you grieve and work through your heartbreaks. He helps you up when you are ready to stand on your own again.
-He touches you when he passes by. He kisses your neck. He holds your hand. He rests his hand on your leg while he's driving. He kisses you hello. He kisses you good-bye. He kisses you good-night.
-You are a priority. He carves time out of his life for you. No matter what. Even if he has to work seventy-two hours that week, he makes time to shoot you a text with a kissy-face emoticon.
-He respects you.
-You're comfortable. You can read each other's moods. You have that perfect secret language. You can sing off-key in the shower. He can dance in his boxers. He can talk baby-talk to the dog. He will wipe away the cookie crumbs from your shirt. He knows what you look like without make-up on and lounging in sweats and loves you anyway.
-You are not a secret. He is proud to have you in his life. You are not a second choice.
-He always texts you back.
-He is faithful to you. He never gives you reason to doubt. He doesn't flirt on Facebook, or text with other women or exes. He is open and honest about the relationships he has with women, (friendships, co-workers, etc.) No secrets.
-He would protect you if bad guys ever broke in.
-You miss him when he's not around... even if you're mad.
-That way he looks at you...
-He loves you. He really loves you... even when he's mad.
So... now see there? Isn't he wonderful?? How could you even THINK about leaving this person???
Sometimes couples have been together for such a long time that they forget to see all the reasons WHY they have been together for so long!
Time invested. Love invested.
Don't let your relationship- your perfectly good relationship- slip into boring and a mundane passing of time. Find that spark again, don't take your love for granted and make sure he knows that you think he is the perfect one for you. (And tell him the reasons too!)
And if there IS a bit of turbulence in the relationship, just look over the above list again and this time, make the list happen. Be those things, do those things and you'll be the wonderful person from that list.
Start today. Take a closer look at your relationship and see all the reasons you should stay together. If you spend the time to forever "woo" your love, you will be in love forever.