Be Selfish- Help Others

​We are taught to help others.  I teach to help others.  I, myself look for opportunity to help others. One doesn't really have to look far.  

Simple acts of kindness.

We are also taught and I teach to expect nothing in return.  Meaning, by you bestowing love and kindness on someone else, they don't owe you anything.  You are not "one up" on them.   The person being bestowed your gift of time, energy or physical product may not even acknowledge you.  May not even show gratitude.  Might even be crabby about it. 

Be kind anyway.  Help others anyway. 

You are kind and helpful for the mere sake of being kind and helpful whether anything comes from it or not.
But here's the thing... something ALWAYS comes of it.  I have been "catching" myself being kind, FOR the very reason that I KNOW I'll get something back from it. 
I have become selfish... greedy! 
I have found that when I am sad or depressed, if I focus outward, and do things for others... I feel better.  
It may not come directly from the source as in say a "thank you" or a five star review, or even a smile... but, it does come back around.  
I recognized this when I started being "kind" on the down low... and now it's my favorite thing to do.  Help others when they don't realize they are being helped and if they did... they don't know where it's coming from. 
Sometimes, I do things for others, only because I know it will make me smile.  I know!  Selfish!!  Sure, it blesses the other person, but... oh how it makes my heart swell and feel light. 
I know... I know... selfish. 

I have a Book Club on this website.  It's filled with books from brand new authors finding their footing in the author world which involves a heavy load of marketing.  Things that most writers are not aware of when they embark on this journey.  If you haven't seen it, you should really take some time to check it out... (Click here!  Warning- be sure to block some time, because there is SO much to see!)

I charge a small fee to showcase their books here.  I present them to you fine people and I help them build an audience.  I could charge a lot of money for this service.  I could do it for free.  But I have found that charging a small amount allows them to feel empowered, and take the opportunity seriously.

I will not get rich from this service.  Not monetarily anyway, but rich in so many other ways. I don't get to see the faces of these authors, but I remember the first time I saw my book's cover on the interwebs... it was amazing.  And even if one new set of eyes saw it and remembered my name... that was progress.  
Most authors don't get rich or even have a lot of money to invest launching thier baby out into the world, but one person at a time builds an audience.  And so I give them access to my audience.  And I get to impart small tips and tricks along the way. 

I have found that when I offered to do these same things for free, it was a completely different vibe.  I am treated differently.  Not always, but enough that "they" trained ME how to better serve them.  I still offer great advice, even if they don't order.  I spend hours every day answering questions for authors, but it's different when you put money into the game.  You treat advice and service with a bit more respect.  You value the other person's time.
When I charge a mere $5, I am met with gratitude.  I am met with eagerness to do more, learn more.  I am met with a camaraderie of being inaugurated into the Author's Club.  And I feed off it. Not the money... those feelings.  I am selfish.  I admit, I love the five star reviews.  I love the thank yous and notes of gratitude sent to me... but mostly, I love seeing new authors spreading their wings and getting their work out into the world.  It's no easy task.  But when I scroll through the images of these books, most that are brand new to the market... I smile... selfishly, that I have them on my site.  That my audience are some of the first that get to see them.  That when I lay my head on my pillow at night, I know that I've helped my fellow authors in my own tiny way. 
Selfish.  

I believe I have more than one purpose.  I believe we all do. I believe we are given clues to our purpose by the strengths we have been given.  One of my strengths is to be able to help elevate others.  It is a pure, selfish joy of mine to lift others who may be struggling in one way or another.  It is a strength to help others find that missing piece of where they are to finding joy and happiness that is within reach, but they just might not be able to see it.  And selfishly, I pursue this purpose.  Or perhaps, it pursues me.  It makes me happy.  It helps me to suspend any grief I may have and I find happiness in helping others. 
I am humbled that I am a person that people reach out to... to share with.    It is fulfilling to me to lift others who may have stumbled.  It's a privilege to be that hand they reach out to and together with both our strengths lift them back up on their feet. 
When I am just focused on me... and my sadness or grief, I can't be of service to others.  I am happy that my need, that selfish need to smile and feel proud of how my fingerprint was left behind on someone else's happiness propels me to stay up on my own two feet. 
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So, may I offer, if you are feeling sad, or disconnected or depressed... take a little bit of time to be selfish... and help others.  You'll be glad you did. 

​Let It Begin With You
 
With it being a new year, it seems like everyone automatically hits the “restart” button and is on a search to make their lives… better, more productive; their bodies, healthier, skinnier, stronger.  Their thoughts more wholesome, or more private or public, learn more, change for the better.
 
We all seek transformation.
 
It makes sense.  While the thoughts of these changes may flit about our thoughts for moments or months, the new year gives us a starting date.  Walking up to that white line at the beginning of a “race” is intimidating enough, but when the rest of the world is joining you in their various audits, it doesn’t seem as impossible.
 
The trick is to find what works and what will stay with you for the duration of the project, the goal or the lifetime.
 
Change must begin with you.  It can’t happen from the outside in.  There could be circumstances that happen TO us that may force our hand, but in the end, it still has to be our choice.  Our change.
 
The doctor may tell you that if you don’t quit smoking, you will shorten your life by X- amount of time.  You must choose how important/valuable that time could be.  And then take steps according to the value you’ve placed on his advice.  Quit smoking?  Cut back?  He’s a quack…
 
In my line of coaching, unfortunately, I do not ask for quick changes.  I’m not the one you seek out when you are looking for different food diets to lose a few pounds, or room customizations, or resolutions that will be let go in a few months.  My teaching/training/coaching demands so much more.  I deal with heart transformation.  Life changes. Love changes.
 
We only have one life and how you are remembered by others, is a question I ask myself on a daily basis and then act accordingly.  That is my line of “work”.  It my calling to Lead with Love and teach others the same methods.
 
Now that I’ve lured you in and if you are still reading, perhaps your heart needs some tweaking and you are looking for some ways to take small steps to change your inner-love values*.
 
Here are just a few, simple suggestions to add to your New Year daily dose of becoming a better person adgenda…

1. Don’t forget to say “Thank You”.

Two little words.  They don’t cause pain to utter them, but they can make a world of difference.  Say them with a smile, and you are golden.  People need to feel appreciated.  We need to feel that you have noticed.  It doesn’t take much effort, but start noticing.  Start acknowledging.  Start appreciating.  Say “thank you.”

1. The Power of Compliments.

Okay, this one might take you a bit out of your comfort zone if it’s something you’re not used to doing.  This is just taking your positive mental observations and making them vocal.  If you like the way someone did their hair, tell them.  If you can see that a co-worker has gone above and beyond, let them know.  If your child helped with the laundry, let them know how awesome it was to have some help.
You don’t have to get all creepy and stalker-ish, but don’t you love to be complimented?  We are often so hard on ourselves that while we are so busy tearing ourselves down, someone out there thinks you are amazing. 
It took me a long time for me to learn how to accept a compliment without downplaying the comment, but now, it is so appreciated because they didn’t have to say anything.  They could have kept their comments to themselves, but they chose to share it with me.  And so often, I am so surprised that I am twice as grateful that whatever it was had not escaped their notice.  And belive me, your kind words will stay with that someone for a long time to come.
Another benefit of compliments, is it helps to build up another person’s self-esteem.  And as we all know, the stronger your self love foundation, the stronger you are able to withstand harmful words, attentions and actions.  Isn’t it better to give someone a stronger shield than to pierce it yourself?  (P.S. It ends up building your self confidence as well!  Win-win!)

1. Start With the Family

Sometimes our family members get the brunt of our foul moods, because we know they are family and they will love us anyway.  While we may still love you, it gets hard to withstand only seeing the negative side of your brilliant personality.
Yes, be yourself, but you can also be considerate. 
Remember your manners.  Just because they are related to you doesn’t mean you don’t need to say “please” and “thank you”.
Don’t take and take and take- what can you do to give back?  So many adults are angry with a family member because they feel they are not getting the attention they feel they deserve.  My question to you is, what are YOU doing to participate with the family?  How often do YOU reach out to each of THEM?
Aging Parents- It’s taken an enormous amount of time, money, effort, patience and love to raise you into adulthood.  Don’t take it for granted.  Be respectful.  Be patient.  It is such a difficult thing to KNOW that you are not as sharp or as healthy or as quick as you once were.  It’s not like they don’t know of the changes happening in their lives.  Life is busy.  You have a life of your own.  But don’t forget that at one time you were their whole life.  Keep them in the loop.

1. The Power of the Pause

Before you utter a sound, pause… are those words encouraging? Uplifting? Helpful? Kind?  A nano-second of a pause could save a lifetime of damage.
 
 
I hope these simple starters are tiny little adjustments that you could add to your “attitude regiment” to have really and truly a happier and heart healthy new year and lasting relationships.
 
* For more reading, Love Begins With You is available on Amazon!