Relational Dynamics

Photo by Shawn Kneemiller

Relational Dynamics

​As many of you know, I am a hairstylist when I am not writing, and I have recently moved from my home state where I'd been living most of my life to someplace completely different.  Adapting to the changes have been quite a challenge. 

People fascinate me. Now, being an introvert, I like to watch from a distance, but being part of the human race, I eventually have to participate as well.  When I was studying relational coaching, my goal was to use it for mainly teens, but I am surprised that I can use this knowledge in every aspect of my life.  

I have been a hairstylist, off and on for over 23 years and have belonged to several different shops. The one I left was probably my favorite and the one that I developed the best friendship skills.  Granted, this was also the time I was studying my relationship coaching training, so I learned a lot and put new ideas into practice of how to get along with other people. They essentially became my tribe.  I belonged.  We all looked out for one another.  We played together, we worked together, we loved, we lost, we bonded.  It was the first time in my life, I had multiple friends.  In the past, I had only been able to concentrate on one friend at a time.  This became a separate.... family, so to speak. (Like I said, I'm an introvert but never had a name for my "condition" until a few years ago!)

When I moved and started my new job here, it's been an excellent reference as to how complete strangers assimilate to become one team.  These twelve people, my new tribe that I had been assigned to- some have worked together before, some knew each other in passing, and I, of course, was completely new... but all of us were new to this franchise and brand new store.

I like watching the natural progression of things grow.  How people group together; find different ways to assert their authority; come together to weed out a common enemy, toleration, education and bonding together.  It is amazing to watch.  

I had been asked to be the leader of our motley crew but had declined.  I wanted to devote my time to creating and not so much cutting.  But knowing that I am out of the running for a leadership role, I am able to watch the process unfold without bias.

It's a good group of girls here, under a good GM and a positive owner.  The shop will do well, and these girls look like they are here to stay.  So I am anxious to watch the friendships unfold and to see if it stays "just" co-worker status among them or if they will bond together as a cohesive unit. 

I am having a nice time learning who everyone is.  They're likes and dislikes, things we have in common, their work practices (how they cut differently than me or customer skills or retail skills).  I am fascinated with their family-lives, how many kids they have, boys/girls, ages, married/single.  Their hobbies, their joys, their addictions, what makes them laugh.

While I miss the cohesiveness of the tribe I left behind, I am learning so much about myself and the others and this experience is only going to make me a better person by being able to love on these new people.

We have all been thrown together for about a month now, and in that short amount of time I have learned so much about these young women.  Their heartbreaks and their trials and the things they are doing to cope.  If they have a common denominator among them all, it's strength.  I have heard of some of their trials; things that would cripple another human being, but these girls don't give up.  They find a new way to keep going.  They all have strong family ties and as with everyone, they are all struggling through something.  I am humbled that they trust me, an outsider, to tell their troubles to.  They don't tell me to "get" something from me, they are just sharing.  I am honored that they feel comfortable in such a short window of time to share with me.  Apparently, I fall into the "momma" role wherever I go. 

It is true that people fade in and out of your life in seasons and that not everyone you meet is supposed to be in your life forever, and sometimes its hard to let go of your "comfort zone", but we can grow stale if we stay in the same "place" for too long.  I have discovered that I am a wanderer.  I physically need to move from place to place to stay inspired.  I think I've known it for a long time but was too afraid to step out of the "norm".  But when I say "place", I am more referring to a mental or spiritual attitude if you will.  We as humans need to grow.  We are created to want other human companionship, and yet its scary to face change.  I wish for you to embrace change.  Me, the introvert, says reach out and love people.  All kinds of people.  It doesn't have to be up close and personal, but we can love from a distance as well. 

I will have to get used to meeting new people and leaving others behind.  And while I feel the need to not settle- at the moment- I hope that I leave behind me a trail of affection and that I touched people's lives with love.  I hope that those I come in contact with feel inspired and if I'm lucky, I will have the opportunity to watch their dreams come true.  (Facebook at its finest!  I can move about the country and still keep track of all my people!)

We all come in contact with people every single day.  Make it a positive experience.  And while we won't build tribes with all these people and they may only be in your life for a season, (or less), let it be a good experience for all involved.  A little love, a little kindness can go a long way.  Lead with love.

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