I Love Who I Am Becoming

Photo by Steve Frank

I Love Who I Am Becoming

Resilient- The ability to recover from difficulty. 

I am not the same person I was.  I am changing and growing and discovering who I am meant to be on a daily basis.

There was a time when I thought I was permanently "damaged" and that was just how things were going to be.  I still have to choose every single day to go toward the sunshine since my brain automatically leads me to the dark, rainy side of life.  I have to make a conscious decision to be happy that day (and several more times throughout the day.  Depression is persistent.)
Some days my body doesn't want to cooperate and when I "cheat" on my diet, I feel it.  My hands and feet and back and neck scream at me when I do "too much."  Rheumatoid arthritis is persistent as well.  But I choose to do it anyway.
​
I still love too much and usually too deeply.  I am too trusting and always want to see the best in a person.  I have trouble staying focused because something new always catches my eye.  And I am guilty of taking unnecessary risks.  I am always... searching for ... something.

It was only about three years ago, that I finally figured out what direction that I wanted my life to go.  I discovered that I was in charge of my future, and anyone else that pushed or pulled me into one direction or another did so, because I allowed it.  That was a tough truth to swallow.

I'm still figuring out many of the how's and why's of actually getting to live out my dreams of writing and traveling.  But I am taking all my positives and all of my... pitfalls and am learning how to work with them or improve them to be a better me.  It's a daily process and it will  never be completed as I hope that I am always improving and perfecting and ... searching.

I know that I am meant to be a teacher of sorts and in a heart-based way, but I don't know what my avenue is to give and to help others heal or find happiness, or love.  Still working on that.  I am part way there... just gotta figure out the particulars.  I am living as a full-time camper, traveling here and there,  and I am writing, but my first attempt at traveling workshops failed miserably.  I learned lots of lessons that month!!

I am still teachable.  I am still grateful for all the blessings in my life (even though some of them look a like failures or mistakes).  I am still writing. I am still loving.  And I receive love in return.  Everything else is just a bump in the road.

The more I practice what I preach, the happier I am.

I love who I am becoming.

---