Empty Nest It's back to school season and this time of year always makes me a little melancholy as another summer quietly comes to an end. I am "momma" to about 15-20 young adults not including the ones that I paid taxes on, and this time of year when I send them back off to school or watch them take on the next level of adulthood or (worse!) stop to look at how much they have all grown, it is a moment that is bittersweet. Some have been a part of my life since my kids were small, others have only joined the family, but seem to fall right into place and still others take a side road for only a few visits and are gone again, but have still known the love of this momma and unique collection of family. I am so proud at how far they have come in their lives and when I say that I love them all, I truly and honestly feel down to my very heart their accomplishments and their sorrows. My little house is empty now and has been for a couple years, but this time of year always brings back that initial... sadness. And when they do come back in increments of a few or a whole party and they speak their foreign languages of Magic, Xbox, Robot Chicken and other nerd-isms, it fills my heart with so much joy. I don't care that they keep me up all night long with their talking and laughing, singing and wrestling, I just love that they are there. Nothing makes me happier than when I wake up and see my living room sprawling with bodies that slept where they fell. I am honored that they still find happiness coming to my home and doing their thing. They could easily go any where else, but that they choose to come to Momma's house, makes me extremely happy. As they grow and don't heed the council of Momma, it makes me so sad to hear of some of the choices that they make. We all have to have our turn to find out which ways are right and which ways are wrong and let me tell you how I was a person who was going to do what I wanted regardless of all the warnings. And now I find myself in my elders shoes. I want to protect them and guard them so that they never know sadness or fear, prejudices ... or cancer.... But then I have to remind myself that my greatest challenges turned into my greatest lessons. I am who I am today because of, or in spite of the mistakes I made. My heart has been broken, I have been so poor I had to live on popcorn and Pepsi, I have been lost in darkness and found my way back to the light. I am not perfect- I should be- but I still make mistakes. And my kids need to be "allowed" do it too. And now, knowing what I do, I have to let them. I am here if they ever want to talk or need advice or a meal or a bed to sleep in, but I have to let them grow. So, as you send your "babies" off to school, and you can feel them slowly slipping from your grasp, know that this is the way things are supposed to be. They are only ours for a moment. And in that moment, we do the best we can to teach them and love them and give them a strong foundation to stand on. So when they are ready to take that leap, they do so knowing that no matter how warm and cozy and safe that nest is, they were born to fly. And we, have to let them go. This is essentially a script to offer you (and me) comfort. Take comfort in the fact that because of that strong foundation and love and coziness, they will be back and cleaning out your refrigerator in no time!
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The Need for Lasting Relationships I have gotten such a great response to the question I put out, "What is the most important aspect of a lasting relationship" This question went out to the masses and people from all stages in their relationship walks responded. Those who were in long, committed relationships told me their secret for keeping it and those in other stages told me what they believed they wanted most. It, as with all my surveys and questions, has been a fascinating and educational experience! What had started out to be a simple two or three paragraph piece, your responses have overwhelmingly stated that you need more information, because empty relationships no longer satisfy your long term needs. You, my friend, are looking for a long lasting relationship! Your comments have told me in not so many terms that you need more information about how to make that happen! I, too, have been looking for the secret that makes a marriage so lasting and fulfilling, and by talking with all these people, I think I'm on to something. I am learning from other people's experiences. This, I believe is how you grow. Learn from others who have succeeded in the areas in which you want to succeed. It takes far too much time to personally experience everything. So I am sharing what I am learning so you can find lasting love too. More than 200 people have already participated and hopefully several more will offer feed back to this next section of research. I have narrowed it down to 10 main components. Trust, Commitment, Intimacy, Communication, Honesty, Hearing/Saying the words "I love you", Passion, Respect, Compatibility, and God- Centered. I didn't make a category for the obvious "Love" because as each component grows stronger, love grows deeper. Each of these components individually or in any random assortment could make you happy in a relationship for some time, but I am beginning to believe that you really do need all of them for something truly lasting. Impossible? I'm finding out that no, it's not impossible. Easy? No. Not at all. Love, as it turns out, is a lot less magical that I might have thought. It seems, as with anything of any value, you have to work at it. There is a process that makes this crazy- little- thing- called- love last. I'm here to find it. So please follow me on facebook at Elizabeth Bourgeret- Author for more questions to come because I need your quotes and comments!! By the way, Trust was the number one answer. And only one person said sex. (Which is important, but fits nicely under the Intimacy category) But I found it interesting that most people would still be content with their life-partner even if they had to give up sex as long as they had the other components. Stay tuned for more to come and the final article series aptly titled, The Ten Components of a Lasting Relationship The Mating Habits of Bees One of the most enjoyable parts of having to cut hair for a living is the interesting conversations on a variety of subjects! Today's subject: Bees! Bees are apparently fascinating little creatures that one might not really pay attention to unless you develop a passion for them, as this client did. Somehow, we got to talking about their mating rituals and how the women are the dominant sex. So much so, that when the men cease to be useful, they are literally- literally- pushed from the hive! The men's only job is to mate. So they all go and "hang out" in a particular place and wait for the females to come by and choose them. And once the female has... uh... finished with him, she rips his heart out to kill him. Quick and over. No mixed messages there. What a happy life! He was a little taken back by my opinion. But think about it, men. What man wouldn't love to die just after sex? If you gotta go, might as well die happy, right? And sure, maybe their life is short, but it's a happy one. Eat, scope for chicks, mate then die. I would think it would be every male species dream! No responsibilities BUT mating. No raising larva, no bringing home the honey, just mating. Sounds not completely unlike their human counterparts. They too go to places to troll for women and they think their only job is to mate... interesting. I mention the above tongue and cheek of course, but it does make me wonder at God's miracles. He takes the time to structure the lives of the tiniest of creatures. And as God went on to experiment with other critters of varying complexities, He made their mating rituals unique as well. From the killing Queen Bee to the mate-for-life Cardinals. Then... He made humans who run the gamut of every mating style in between. (Except that the killing part is no longer legal...) Some couples stay together for life. Some only stay together to procreate. Some have no other commitment other than mating, and some choose a life of solitude. And every once in a while, you have the random female that wants to rip his heart out... and does. Figuratively and literally. This website does not endorse either one... It's amazing what you can learn in a fifteen minute conversation. And for the bee enthusiasts out there, forgive me if I over generalized or got some of my facts incorrect. It was only fifteen minutes.... |
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