Whenever I tell someone that I’m following the Oregon Trail, revisiting it as a modern pioneer, they either smile politely and nod, or if they are curious they’ll ask- what exactly does that mean? Well, in this particular, personal case, I have chosen to narrow down my experience to the 1840s. I’m following thier routes. I’m following thier practices/ recipes and routines, as I make my way toward the end goal of Oregon City, Oregon. The 1840s is still considered the beginning of the emigration. They weren’t really sure where they were going. They didn’t have much of an idea of how to prepare or what might befall them, they were just ready for a change. Ready enough to sell off everything but what could fit into a wagon or two and set out to meet their options for a different life. I can appreciate that… While I will dip into the other two centuries where Oregon Trail travel was still very popular- I couldn’t help myself if I tried, but I’m trying to focus my “experiences” in that first decade. So…what are the rules? I don’t have any hard-fast rules, but chose to go with the flow and implement what I can. Obviously, I’m not traveling by horse and buggy, but I am in my trusty truck Xander (which counts as 300 plus horse power(?), and my little covered wagon of a camper- Marlee, a 24 foot, just enough to make me somewhat comfortable between worlds. (I need to have my office and computer, for work, and then there’s coffee… do I really need to justify that?? Lol) I have done some research… but not too much more than what we might have learned in school, if our teacher really liked the time period. I have never seen these things before and I want them to be as much of a first impression when I share them, but also as I safely can. Meaning, I'm not going into something totally blind. So, I am learning as I go. I study up on where I am headed and then when I get there, and am seeing the things for the first time. Once I'm there, whatever catches my interest, or "moves the story forward" I’ll deep dive and learn more about them. And then in the facebook group History Revisited, I share what I am learning in little bite size pieces and lots of photos. And now, for those who want more detail or more information, I’ll add that here. (Eventually there will also be a podcast, but I just can't seem to get my act together to make that a thing. It's very time consuming and I need to not spread myself too thin. Easier said than done. I have SO much I want to do!) I am doing my best to follow the trail in “real time”. Now I can’t plod along in the slow lane, blinkers on at 5 miles per hour the whole way, so I make jumps. I’ll go a certain distance and then do a big circle around where I land to cover all of the interesting sites and museums and then I’ll move to the next spot. So if it took them 6 weeks to cross Nebraska, it will for me too. (And I’m going by the recorded maps and journals to plot out my timeline and things I see. I am a tourist nerd!) As far as experiences go, I am trying not to go “out to eat”. I have stocked up on the same supplies as the pioneers were encouraged to do and am curious to see how I fair with just that. It’s a lot of beans, bacon and bread… Right now, I’m still early in the game, so I am still finishing off all of my “fresh food”. Like eggs, cheese, lettuce, fruit and milk (for my coffee- not sure if I’ll cave and get more half n half for the coffee, or if I’ll learn to do without or just give it up entirely…) I’ve given up ready-made food, so nothing in a box, nothing pre-made. I do make use of the luxury of refrigeration. All of my meats are either refrigerated or frozen. All of my beans are raw, everything has to be made from scratch. (I did purchase some granola already toasted and sweetened with vanilla in bulk) I have given up soda. I do have a filter for my water, let’s not get crazy. Don’t want to die of dysentery. I'm not being drastic or unreasonable, but I am trying to stretch my boundaries to make it a learning experience. I would love to be able to get up at 4 and eat my breakfast cooked on a fire every morning and be ready to start my day by 7:30, but I haven’t found that much dedication yet. (I have recently retired and to me, retirement is all about NOT having an alarm! Lol) Maybe it will come, but for right now, I still let myself sleep until I wake up and I make my coffee in the automatic coffee pot. (I honestly didn’t think about getting a firepit coffee pot, otherwise I probably would have tried it!) The object is not to see how much misery I can handle, it’s to experience parts of their life so as to bring it forward. I have never made bread from scratch, never needed to. I’ve never cooked using cast iron. I’ve never had to walk everywhere, conserve water, ration out my food, milk a cow or learn about disease… What makes history fascinating to me was their day to day life. We are the same on the inside. But the things they did from one day to another are so very different from the life that I have. I have never really had to do certain things in order to survive.. except, perhaps pay attention to traffic rules and what not. I want to revisit this historical era with modern eyes and appreciate- truly appreciate how good I have it. How absolutely amazing these people were that faced these unknowns. I can always bail on my alternate universe and slip into a Walgreens or a Taco Bell, but I’m just… trying this. I want to see how my body adjusts for one. But I think a bit of humility may be in order for two. I take things for granted. I’m spoiled. And even though I’m choosing campgrounds that are primitive or a step above, I’m still spoiled. I draw the line at sleeping on the ground! This body is TOO old for that! Are there rules? Kinda? I might be making them up as I go along. But I sure am enjoying the ride. It’s just an experiment. There’s no right or wrong. Win or lose. Pass or fail. It’s more than a vacation, but less than a Discovery Channel series. But I do take it seriously. I am sincere as I am revisiting history and becoming acquainted with a time gone by and documenting things as I go. As a modern pioneer… I’m off on adventure. A new view of an old route. I’m glad that you’re here with me. I am always open to suggestions to things I should try or places I need to see along the way. I have a list of 1840s recipes, I’d like to sort through and see how many I can make. I’d like to know about their survival skills. I'd like to shoot a black powder rifle. I’d like to milk a cow and make butter and fresh ice cream. Id like to ride a horse and gallop freely across the prairie. I’d like to cook over an open fire. I’d like to learn how to sew and do leather work. I’d like to dive in a bit more and learn about the people who made this trip before me. Maybe I’ll even sleep outside under the stars by the fire, once. There are lots of options that may present themselves as I make my way through unseen territory and experience brand new things from a time gone by, brought back to life from a modern day perspective. I guess we will have to see what presents itself. If you want to take a bigger part of my adventure, be sure to join the History Revisited Facebook Group. That's the most immediate interaction. I post all my photos and love to converse with everyone there! Jump in and join us! There's another option if you're interested in a more personal experience with my travels. It's the PostCard Club. This is a group that receives postcards from me where ever I go, about 3-4 times per month and then if you'd like, you can upgrade to receiving magnets every month or even an entire gift box filled with goodies from places I stop along the way. Souvenirs, locally made edibles, other unique items I find every stop I make. To find out more or to sign up- click here.
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This blog is getting a complete make-over. I have neglected it for so long and so much has changed since my last entry. Quick catch up... - I am a full-time traveler now. I have purchased a small 24' camper and currently am following the Oregon Trail with modern eyes. Retracing the steps and lifestyles of our ancestors as they braved the wild, yet untamed west to find a new life in Oregon or California... This is something I've always wanted to do and finally decided, that if I didn't do it now, I might not ever get the chance... so I'm out here livin the dream. - If you have followed me for any length of time, you'd know my companion, Meera. My Great Dane- she passed away and I can't bare to even think about getting another dog at this time... maybe never, her loss was so great. I have a black cat, Oakley who is doing her very best to fill in the gaps. - I am a podcaster! I create, write and host the podcast Bag of Bones. It's about the dark and creepy or just sometime peculiar history of America. BEHIND the microphone! I love it! It pretty much has taken the place of this blog and is of course focused on American history, but it's how I have been connecting with the world, as late. I enjoy the whole podcast arena, that I am on the cusp of releasing the next podcast as well. This one will be more focused on one particular time frame, so I can go deeper into one area. It's called Trails of History and since I'm following the original Oregon Trail... you can probably guess what the first season will be. Lol! The Bag of Bones Podcast is available wherever you listen to your podcasts, so be sure to subscribe so as not to miss one! The Bag of Bones Podcast also has it's own fb page, if that's your jam, I'd love to have you like and follow there! (Or if your preference is Instagram... I usually forget this platform, so I apologize in advance!) - I have also started coaching writers to help them get their first book ready for publish, from first thoughts to finding the best way to publish to marketing... it is very rewarding and time consuming! But again, it's a labor of love and so worth it! -So, as you can see by all the busy-ness above, I have not been doing my OWN writing for minute... or two. I am sorry. I know most of you here have found me because of my books and I am so thankful for that, and I am doing my best to get back to that as well. The good news is, the requests I've been getting for another historical fiction are probably going to be granted. Being out here on the same ground that the pioneers traveled, my brain can barely keep quiet! This blog space is going to become more of a journal than a teaching avenue as I share what is happening along my travels. This already has been such an experience. I am humbled to be allowed to follow this dream of mine to re-visit history and bring it to you in a new light so it does not slip away. If you want photos and regular- immediate- journey update, my History Revisited Facebook page is your best bet for that! I'm there almost every day. And for more of the "teaching" side of things, if you're wanting to learn more about the Oregon Trail, the people, what their day to day lives looked like, be sure to tune in to the podcast. I'll let you know when it comes out! I think that brings us up to speed! Thanks for hanging in there with me, or coming back around, and if you're new here... welcome. I'm glad you're here. More to come. No really, I promise. :) The heart wants what the heart wants. How many times have you heard people say that to explain why they stay in a toxic relationship? The statement usually goes along with a shrug. Nothing they can do about it. They just love their mate so much that it would do no good to leave because they would find their way back. The circumstances are beyond their control. They want to be in a relationship so badly that they are willing to settle for things less than they deserve. Sometimes it shows up as abuse. Sometimes it's neglect. Sometimes the puzzle pieces just don't fit, but it's not uncomfortable enough to do anything about. Oh! I just want to shake some sense into these people! That is not love! Love goes both ways! Love doesn't just take and take and take. The heart does NOT want that! I believe that you believe that it is love. But if I've said it once I've said it a hundred times, love NEVER hurts. That is not the design of love. The thought of leaving hurts, I know. The thought of being on your own is scary. Having to start all over again with someone new is daunting. But you are worth more than staying in a relationship that doesn't serve you. I've got news for you.... the heart wants a loving partner. The heart wants love in return. We were built to give love and seek love in return. SEEK LOVE IN RETURN!!! Notice what 's missing?? We want to believe that love is a feeling... that we just are swept away, and we have no control over the flow of the current. Whether it's calm, or it pulls you under and you're gasping for breath. But love doesn't just happen. Love is a functioning, growing system that two people are supposed to work together to create. When it's love, you are both building a foundation. One that will last and that you can stand on and feel solid ground when a storm comes. When a relationship is only one sided, that is not love. If you are feeling alone, or that you are doing all the "work" to maintain this relationship, what kind of a foundation does it have to stand on? We all know that a foundation that is littered with cracks or chunks missing isn't going to last for long. And every storm that comes along chips away at those crack a little more each time.... How long can the heart really "want' emptiness just to have someone lay beside them at night? How many excuses do you need to make to others, or worse, yourself for the bruises... or the lonely times... or the neglect? Where does love say that you should tolerate lies, or deceit or unfaithfulness? Let me give you a hint- it DOESN'T! The heart wants what the heart wants... That is just romanticized logic for staying in a defective relationship. Because sometimes it's easier to take the neglect than it is to face the conflict that will come. The guilt that rises and gets caught in our throat. The emptiness of being alone. The pain of rejection. The fear of the unknown reaction. The terror of the known reaction... Love yourself enough to know if you are in a toxic relationship. Love yourself enough to know when to walk away. Yes, it will be difficult. We have no control of what others do and do not do. We can't expect them to love us back just because we pour out love on them. Let me say that again: You have not control over what others do. It is not your fault if your partner makes bad, unhealthy choices for your relationship. You only have control over what you do. What you think, how you respond, your actions, and... what you tolerate. I'm sure you can read the passion I'm feeling under these words. I'd say that at least 75% of your emails to me deal with unrequited love. And almost every single plea for help is the same... the truth, the signs, the red flags, are all right there, but we love him or her so much that we are blindsided. What many of you are looking for is permission to leave. The others are looking for reasons why... I don't have those answers, but I do know this: You can't love someone enough for two. You can't; no matter how much you'd like to. You can't make someone change if they don't want to. You can't be someone you're not, in order for them to "love you more". And sadly, most people don't change. If their behavior hurts you, most likely, it will continue. No matter what you may think you deserve... I promise you, it's never so bad that you should tolerate abusive behavior. Physical. Mental or Emotional. No one else gets the right to mead out your "punishment" as they see fit. Love yourself, just a tiny bit... just look inward, and see the smallest spark... it's waiting to be seen. You are worth more. You deserve love. Take one step toward releasing yourself from a toxic relationship. Just one. Then do it again the next day and the next... That spark will grow and ignite a fire inside you and you'll look back and wonder how you put up with such nonsense for so long. I hope to get that email saying that you have had enough and you are standing your ground; living life on your terms, loving the way love is meant to be. The heart wants love. Real love. Don't just shrug and take whatever the wind blows your way. Let today be the day that you choose. Let today be the day that you take responsibility for what your heart wants. Just one step. I'll be waiting for your email. :) #justonestep 1 Corinthians 13:4 Comment below with #justonestep if you are ready to own your choices or you are showing your support for others in toxic relationships. The birds are singing. The sun is shining. The days are longer. The air is warmer. The flowers are blooming and my travel clock alarm is ringing in my soul!! It must be Spring! I love this time of year and look forward to it with great anticipation. THIS, is MY new year. THIS is when my new year's goals hit the ground running. I LOVE the Spring! Everything just feels so fresh and new. The winters hit me so hard, even in the South. It's still too cold, too dark and too confining. So when the first signs of Spring start to show, my soul perks up, and I know that my days of being trapped indoors are almost at an end. By this time, I am SO ready to kick my way out of my chrysalis and start my new adventures. I am usually plotting out some grand adventure, surrounded by maps and destinations, historical points, and "must see" scenic views and lists of lists of lists, with high hopes and throwing caution to the wind... but this year, I must behave. Last year (and the year before, if I'm being honest) were a little too costly and I wasn't able to recoup my losses. So... sadly, this year, as promised, I will stay put. But don't think I'll be idle! The new book in the Leading with Love Series, Falling in Love with You, is scheduled to come out in May and for the first time, I'm also going to try and have the next FICTION (Miracles from Ashes) out by November. Two books in one year.... I dunno.... but I'm trying. Plus this is a great time to try out the newer versions of the workshops on a smaller scale. Work out the kinks so when I AM ready to travel again, they will be fine-tuned and ready to be offered to the nation!! (Gotta think big, right?) And I am missing working with my teens so much that I'm thinking of pulling one or two of their workshops out of the closet and dusting them off too. (Have to keep busy so I don't think about relocating!) I have gotten so much feedback from everyone and I am so grateful that you love my work, my stories and my mission. I just need to stay more focused and not let the lure of rivers, lakes and oceans (or the yellow dashes on the highway that always promise to lead some place completely new) distract me. Easier said than done. But keeping busy should help. I will stay in Georgia for a while longer, but there should be plenty of new and exciting things to see right here in my own back yard. There is tons of history, and the scenery here is so beautiful. Plus with my writing, it should be enough to keep me occupied. (read: distracted!) My heart longs for the open highways and the wanderlust whispers to my heart to go search for things I've never seen. So, I'll need you to help hold me accountable! Spring means new beginnings... A fresh start... A chance to make this year amazing... I have a lot planned for this "new year" and I hope it yields great returns! Happy Spring, y'all! Home. I love to be a tourist in my own hometown!! I was born and raised in St. Louis, Missouri and sometimes you have to step away from something to really appreciate what you had. I believe that I have always had an appreciation for where I come from, but honestly, now that I am a full-time tourist and a large part of my "job" is to investigate all the things that other cities and states have to offer, I grow to love my hometown all the more. It was a great place to grow up. When I was a child, we didn't have a lot of money, but my mother was very creative and made sure that we were exposed to all kinds of culture. And I did the same for my children. I don't believe there is any other city in these amazing United States so generous as my beloved St. Louis. There's just something about going away and then coming back... home. These are my streets and highways. These are the people of my culture. I recognize the accent and the midwestern vernacular and smile at the sea of Missouri license plates. The bluffs and the gentle rolling hills that make up the landscape in between rivers and lakes that would make an outdoorsman happy. The fields of cattle or crop, the wooded forests unique only to this area... they are home to me. My heart swells when I cross the state lines and see the Arch elegantly stretching up from the city to greet me or the miles and miles of green that demand to have their space next to the ever-sprawling cities. No matter how long I have been away, these streets and businesses and beautiful country become familiar once again and I can usually find my way around as if I had never left. I drive the same streets that I couldn't wait to get away from with love and affection. There is comfort and security in the familiar. And when I get to go around to all the spots that make it so special I just beam with pride being able to say that I am from St. Louis, MO. The Zoo, the Science Center, the Art Museum, the History Museum, Grant's Farm... all FREE. Then there is the most amazing offerings in theatre: The Muny (an outdoor theatre that has been around for over 100 years!), The Fox (once an elegant movie house then transformed into live theatre), Powell Symphony Hall, Opera St. Louis, Shakespeare Theatre Co... just to name a few! We have The Arch (ride to the top and see for miles and miles!! or enjoy the free museum downstairs), The Missouri Botanical Gardens, (over 80 acres of the most beautifully kept grounds you could ever want to see!), The City Museum (an old shoe warehouse turned into a massive playground made completely of recycled materials!), The Museum of Transportation, The Museum of Science and History, The Court House, The Anheuser-Busch Brewery, the St. Louis Cardinals Baseball team and so much more!! I should have been a St. Louis concierge, because I love this town so much. Too bad it gets cold in the winter. Can't do it. But it makes me love it all the more when I get to come back home. I may not like the city-life any more. I am far happier away from the hustle and bustle of things. And I have grown to love the ocean so much that it continues to pull me away and then there is the gypsy spirit that begs me to go and see what else I haven't laid eyes on and so I go... and yet... No matter where I roam, St. Louis will always be my home. I've never been so happy to do the dishes! I have been without running water for a little over a week now and nothing makes you more grateful for the things we take for granted like having to be without them! The hose for the water going into the Beach House busted and the hot water heater decided to call it quits as well. In all fairness, it was over thirteen years old, so it had every right.... however... I ordered the necessary parts thinking that they would be here in two days (I mean that's why we pay the extra for Prime, right?) only for it to take five days. Ugh. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to function with no access to water? No bathrooms, no showers, no clean dishes, no coffee, no cooking, cause you can't rinse your dishes, (it IS sugar ant season and they are everywhere here in the South!!), no drinking water, no washing your hands. There were times I would absent-mindedly still turn on the faucet expecting magic to happen... Today, my hose came in. I hooked that sucker up so fast and turned on all the faucets just because I could... and water came out. It was a miracle! I heated some water up on the stove and set about doing my dishes. Such a glorious task that I will not complain about ever again! (Okay, at least for a week or so...) This got me thinking about all the things that we take for granted. Being grateful doesn't have to be for something amazing or life shattering! Sometimes I think that we need something short of a miracle to remind us to be thankful. And then we chalk it up to luck. But life, in general is filled with uneventful days sometimes blending one into another. And yet, in the midst of our complaining and trudging through what feels like mundane lives-even on the worst days- we wake up in the morning, and our eyes take in the sights around us. Without any extra thought or effort from us. We take in the inside walls of our home. We're surrounded by "things" that bring us joy, comfort, security. Our heart is beating and directing our insides that serve us the best that we can. And when we get out of bed, our legs support us and keep us upright. We flip the switch and darkness becomes light. Pushing a button gets the brown, flavorful liquid of life bubbling and gurgling away. Take in that deep breath... because you can. Feel the rain on you skin. Close your eyes, hear the birds sing their songs. What are some of the things that you are thankful for that you take for granted? The love of a faithful pet? The sweetness in your children's faces? (No matter how old they are.) A best friend? A key that turns the motor over on your vehicle? Tastebuds! A well-prepared meal. Money enough to cover the bills. That hidden money in a coat pocket. A reliable job. Everything might not be where you want it to be at the moment, but there is SO much that you can be grateful for every single day. Every. Single. Day. I mean, I still don't have hot water, and I probably won't for a while until I can afford a new hot water heater, but life is still good. Life is so good. Don't let a day slip away without taking notice of those things that make your life just a little bit better. What are you grateful for today? Right now, in this moment? I recently posted a picture on Facebook about my struggles of having to change the sheets in my little travel trailer which is named The Beach House. And I realized that I never formally introduced everyone to my humble abode. For those of you that don't know, "my story", I have recently given up the brick and mortar, stationary living in favor of the gypsy, transient life-style. It was about this time last year, that I bought a used, well- loved 2005 Keystone Cougar 31' camper. The former owners painted the insides with the soft colorful tones of beach living- greens, pale blues, clean whites and decorated with seahorses, shells, driftwood and other items that scream "I love the beach life!" I fell in love immediately. The Kirby's needed to sell it because of a debilitating cancer and they were unable to use the camper any longer. So with promises that I would love it and honor its purpose, I laid my money down. The Kirby's used The Beach House only for weekend trips or short ocean-side vacations. It wasn't long that I saw I was going to have to make some adjustments to this quaint little camper to make it my full-time home. The back end had four bunks (perfect for grand babies) but I only have two, at the moment, so I took the other two out to create my office. And then there was a matter of my clothes. When I work, be it cutting hair, or doing workshops, I have to have professional clothing. As much as I'd love to live in swimwear, 24/7, it is somewhat frowned upon in certain places... not to mention cold... But the house, as is, offered minimal options. It seemed like a lot of wasted space, so I came up with the idea to put the bed in the air... and use the space to add in dressers, and hanging space. And when living in a tiny house, it's all about use of space. So my step brother, Ed Wittneber, and my favorite Seabee, Barry Moyar and myself, completely gutted the bedroom! And then put it back together again. Barry cut and built the bed frame. His knowledge of angle iron was indispensable! A former Seabee and a craftsman in his own right, I was so grateful that he came on board with this project. And they didn't even look at me like I was crazy! Ed was quick to get the project rolling and helped me SO much!! He also bought and assembled the perfect cubbie shelves for me and my first beanbag chair for my new space!!! I painted. Also, my wonderful brother, Scott Ide, created the perfect cabinet to hide all the wiring and add more storage space! He made it from scratch and it's perfect! It gives me a bit more space that is easily accessible from the bedroom or the "coffee station"! (okay, fine, it's the other side of the kitchen counter... don't judge! Lol!) So, my bed is about 32" from the ceiling, so one has to be cautious when climbing up or down, or changing sheets... and heaven help me if something scares me in the middle of the night and I sit up too quickly!! There is one large plastic set of dresser-drawers under the bed and another one at the side. I have room to hang clothes, store away other items in the cubbie shelf and cabinet. And room for a giant dog to lounge and a beanbag chair or two! It is an adorable little place to live and I absolutely love it! Yes, there are things I want to do to it still, but it's all part of the journey!
I am so happy with this choice and I think I am living up to the promise I made to the former owners. The Beach House has certainly covered a lot of territory and seen many new campgrounds, and I hope this has just been the beginning! I hope she hangs on with me for a few more years as we continue to travel about the country. Next, I want to re-do the bathroom and maybe even tweak the kitchen just a tiny bit. I'm learning so much as I go... How to Have a Happy Day Now, if you think I am one of those people who wake up singing and flitting about the kitchen first thing in the morning, let me take this opportunity to tell you that that is absolutely not so. I am actually slow to wake up. I like quiet, peaceful mornings preferably without an alarm telling me when my day needs to start. I don’t use a lot of words right out of the gate, but my brain is awake long before my eyelids open and is busily taking my thoughts in a million and one directions. If the sun is shining, it doesn’t take much encouragement for me to keep my eyes open, but if it is dark, dreary or cold, it’s going to take a bit more coaxing for me to leave the comfy-ness of my bed! I’m one of those people that have to set the alarm thirty minutes longer, just so I have thirty minutes of hitting the snooze button time before my feet have to actually, physically hit the floor! Lol! On that same note, it is before I ever throw the covers off of me, in those early moments of consciousness that I’ve already decided what kind of day I am going to have. Happiness, is a choice. The outside world is out of your control. So how can you have a happy day in spite of it? Here’s a few thoughts that I use for myself that I have gathered over the years. 1. Happiness is a choice. Every single morning, you have the choice of how you are going to face your day. You may have no control over what time you have to be at work, what the traffic is going to be like, what kind of mood Pam from accounting is going to be in or what your customers are going to throw at you. But believe it or not, the first decision of the day should be happiness. Today, is going to be a good day. Everyday, you get to wake up to a new beginning. And even while that alarm is grating against every nerve in your half- conscious body, you decide. Are you thankful that you are even awake? Or are you grumbling because you HAVE to be awake. Go ahead and grumble, get it out of your system, but then let the gratefulness take over and decide that you are going to be happy. 2. Count Your Blessings Take a few moments, nine to be exact before the snooze button wears off, to run through a quick list of reasons to be thankful. I am thankful that the sun is shining. I am thankful that I have a reason to get out of bed. I am thankful that I am supporting myself. I am thankful that Pam is on vacation this week. I am thankful for my family… etc… you get the idea. Everyone has something… several somethings to be thankful for. Start your day off acknowledging them and you’ll be amazed at the effect it has on your day. If you are having trouble at first, be thankful for the obvious. Air in your lungs. Eyes that see, feet that can walk, food to eat, coffee in the coffee pot (Or money for Starbucks!Lol) Suddenly, you will find so many more things, your vision will expand to more than just your own life, your peripheral thankfulness vision will come in to play as well! 3. Smile Have you tried to be in a bad mood while you’re smiling? Not an easy task to do! So this helpful tip is for those of you looking for the easy button. Just smile. You will find that your face will change your insides. And when you see others smiling back at you, it’s usually a good enough reason to keep on smiling. It’s easy, it doesn’t cost anything, it doesn’t even make you change your routine. Just smile. 4. Don’t React, Decide As mentioned before, you have no idea what is going to come at you during your day, but you can decide before you set one foot out of your house, (or bed, if you’re staying home) how you are going to respond to outside engagement. You and only you are responsible for your decisions. Blame stops here. People may be rude, but you choose how you react. Traffic may be at a standstill, but you choose how you react. A hurricane may have damaged your home, but you decide how you will react. You may have a flat tire, but you decide how you are going to react. Your gut reaction may be to scream and yell and blame others, but since you are choosing to have a happy day, then you decide how you are going to respond, and nothing is so terrible that a response can’t be suspended for a few seconds so you can readjust your thoughts. When people are rude, choose kindness. When bad things happen, decide how you are going to deal with them. If things happen that bring sadness, feel it, but don’t get lost in it. Decide what you are going to do next. Things of the world may be out of your control, but you are one hundred percent in charge of how you react. Where is your default button set? Which is your “automatic reaction”? Impatience of gratitude? Jealousy or encouragement? Exasperation or hope? Despair or faith? We all have things in life that we HAVE to do. But how will you approach them? We all have people in our life that we’d rather not deal with. How can you still love them? We all have upsets, trial and tribulations. How can you make love, laughter and happiness your priority? Adjust your default settings. Practice these steps for happiness every day and soon, they will become automatic and people will look at you funny. In a good, I-wish–I-was-so- happy, kind of way. Life becomes more fulfilling, the skies are a little more blue, and that snooze button doesn’t seem so annoying. Okay, yes it does, but not enough to ruin the day! 5. Surround yourself with positive things. If you known you are prone to bad moods or worse, depression, don’t listen to those sad songs!! Brighten up your wardrobe! Hang some pictures that make you smile, so you see them the moment you open your eyes! Have fresh cut flowers on your counter or table. Burn some lavender candles. Do everything you can to help you reset your defaults! Don’t give in to the negativity. Don’t get involved with gossip, just walk away. And don’t watch or read those negative news stories or social media posts! Have a steady stream of puppies and kitties if you need to. (or baby sloths… a personal favorite) 6. And finally Look for the Good. What you look for you will find. Try and find the good in any and all things. There are two sides to every coin and every situation in life. Always look for the good. Slow traffic? Great! You can drink your coffee without bumps or potholes! Pam in accounting acting up again? Fine, Kill her with kindness! It’ll annoy the heck out of her! Hurricane destroy your home? So be it… you probably wanted a new living room set anyway. Oversimpligying, yes, maybe a little, but that’s where you have to start. If you constantly look for the bad in your life or in the lives of others (which is none of your business, by the way) you will find it. Stop there. There are enough people in the world shoving bad news and bad behavior in our face. Go beyond that. Look a little deeper. Find the good. It’s there. Now go… throw off those blankets, turn off that alarm and have a happy day! Need more love and inspiration? follow the Leading With Love Facebook page. Purchase Love Begins With You from Amazon! Read this: Easy Choices- Hard Life Let It Begin With You The Art of Saying "No" I know that chronologically, I am a grown woman. But sometimes, I swear, the decisions I make, you'd think I was still twelve. Being an adult, we've had the opportunity to learn from our youthful mistakes and make decisions of our choosing, knowing full well that we are responsible for any and all consequences of said decision. Good or bad. But sometimes we lay the consequences aside and take the path that is the easiest, the one that brings pleasure, or the instant gratification- and hope the consequences don't catch up to us. Easy choices, hard life. Hard choices, easy life. - Seneca If we just took care of the things as they came at us, or thought before we acted, so much pain would drift past us like a leaf on a stream. Never bothering us, just floating around where we stand. Why don't we do this? When do we reach the "adult" stage of making responsible decisions? Why do we choose to do business with those who have a poor reputation and are surprised when we have been ripped off or the work is sub par. But he was the cheapest or simplest route. Or the best salesman? Why do we choose to enter into or stay in relationships even though we, ourselves have seen the red flags of warning? It's just easier to stay than to have to deal with hurt or angry feelings. Why do we "cheat" on our diet even though we know it sets us back from our goal and we will feel even worse... It's just one piece... We choose to have unprotected sex knowing that there is always a chance to create a new life. An eighteen year commitment... but it just feels right in the moment. One of our basic human instincts is to avoid pain. Not realizing that our "easy" or "convenient" choices will lead to additional pain in the future. The number one obstacle to success is fear. More specifically, fear of pain. Fear comes at us in many different forms and we respond accordingly. Laziness Procrastination Anger Shame/Guilt Anxiety Perfectionism Denial But what if we were brave? What if we were fierce? Okay, fine, what if we just used common sense? Can you imagine how different your life would be? What if you faced that impending report for school, or manuscript, or project you've been putting off. Soon it would be done and oh, how the accolades would flow!! What if you made those important phone calls and researched quality repair shops and made a solid decision. The work would be done and you could rest easy knowing that it is completed the right way. It might cost a bit more, but that feeling of satisfaction and confidence? Priceless! And what if you worked a little bit, every day on that goal, that dream, that project... you would eventually get there. One extra sit-up. Three extra dollars. One less serving. A lot faster than not working on it for days or months at a time, don't you think? So why don't we? Are we so weak minded that we don't even want to try? I can't think of any other answer than... yes. Do we just lack motivation? Yes. Do we fear "imagined pain" so much, that we don't stop to think of the benefits of just getting it done? Yes. Or are we so lazy that being forced to face the consequences is just "better" so we don't have to take responsibility... just yet? Yes. How can we fix this? Here's a couple things that I've come up with that have helped me. (And by the way, I am just as guilty as the rest. At least half of those examples above were mine.) 1. What's the worst that can happen? Go ahead. Let your thoughts go down the rabbit hole. What's the worst that can happen if I pick up the phone and get that quote, make that doctor's appointment, cancel that membership. What's the worst that could happen if I "just say no" to unprotected sex, that extra serving of cake, to watching six more episodes on Grey's Anatomy on a school/work night. 2. Now, think, what's the worst that can happen if you DON'T face the issue head on. If I don't get the car fixed, it will eventually.... If I don't get this tooth looked at... If I continue to eat this way... If I don't stand up for myself, who will? If I keep allowing myself to be treated this way... If I keep showing up late for work... If I don't pay my bills on time... 3. Then ask, what's the NEXT thing I can do. A lot of times fear comes because the task at hand can be overwhelming. The solution here is to break it down to smaller steps. What's the next step? And soon, you'll be on to the next step and the next. Eventually, if you don't stop, you will reach your goal, no matter what it is. It's almost impossible not to. 4. Don't rely on passion. Passion is fleeting. You can be all excited about starting out the new year with your new goals and have the best of intentions because things feel so good... but that first day, when you're "Just not feeling' it", it all starts to crumble. I wish I could tell you that this is where motivation or will power will kick in. Sometimes it does... sometimes it is no where to be found. This is when you just have to do it. Some of it, any of it. Just do it. On days when the mood does not move me to write, I make myself write twenty-five words. They may be the worst words ever and I may end up deleting them, but it creates a habit. A foundation. Something that I will just eventually... do. I wasted three months this past year, because I just wasn't in the mood to write. (Because of OTHER choices I made thinking it was the easy route that came around to bite me in the behind!) But now I am pushing forward. Doing the right thing. I fear the "pain" of not doing it more, now that putting it off for another day. So that brings me to: 5. Before you make a decision, just take a moment to think on it. Go through these steps and think about the consequences. Both short term and long term. You want to be able to trust yourself. And by taking responsibility of your decisions is the best place to start. Make the hard choices now, to enjoy an easier life later. Put that money into savings. Pay down your credit cards. Read the fine print. Get to know each other better before you commit. Research your choice of pet. Research your home, car, location, job, dentist, babysitter, doctor, vacation destination.... The only way to not have to make choices is to give up your freedom. Give up your choices to someone else (don't worry, there is always someone who is willing to make choices FOR you.) But is that really the life you want? You'll end up just drifting along going where the tide takes you. It's time to grab ahold of the oars. Face the hard choices. Face the easy choices. Think through the consequences of your life. The more choices you make and follow through with on your life the easier it will become. Trust me, sometimes you'll still get some tough ones thrown at you and you'll want to just run and hide, but you are so much better, stronger... more fierce than that! Share your success stories!! I want to know how you are succeeding! Let It Begin With You With it being a new year, it seems like everyone automatically hits the “restart” button and is on a search to make their lives… better, more productive; their bodies, healthier, skinnier, stronger. Their thoughts more wholesome, or more private or public, learn more, change for the better. We all seek transformation. It makes sense. While the thoughts of these changes may flit about our thoughts for moments or months, the new year gives us a starting date. Walking up to that white line at the beginning of a “race” is intimidating enough, but when the rest of the world is joining you in their various audits, it doesn’t seem as impossible. The trick is to find what works and what will stay with you for the duration of the project, the goal or the lifetime. Change must begin with you. It can’t happen from the outside in. There could be circumstances that happen TO us that may force our hand, but in the end, it still has to be our choice. Our change. The doctor may tell you that if you don’t quit smoking, you will shorten your life by X- amount of time. You must choose how important/valuable that time could be. And then take steps according to the value you’ve placed on his advice. Quit smoking? Cut back? He’s a quack… In my line of coaching, unfortunately, I do not ask for quick changes. I’m not the one you seek out when you are looking for different food diets to lose a few pounds, or room customizations, or resolutions that will be let go in a few months. My teaching/training/coaching demands so much more. I deal with heart transformation. Life changes. Love changes. We only have one life and how you are remembered by others, is a question I ask myself on a daily basis and then act accordingly. That is my line of “work”. It my calling to Lead with Love and teach others the same methods. Now that I’ve lured you in and if you are still reading, perhaps your heart needs some tweaking and you are looking for some ways to take small steps to change your inner-love values*. Here are just a few, simple suggestions to add to your New Year daily dose of becoming a better person adgenda…
You don’t have to get all creepy and stalker-ish, but don’t you love to be complimented? We are often so hard on ourselves that while we are so busy tearing ourselves down, someone out there thinks you are amazing. It took me a long time for me to learn how to accept a compliment without downplaying the comment, but now, it is so appreciated because they didn’t have to say anything. They could have kept their comments to themselves, but they chose to share it with me. And so often, I am so surprised that I am twice as grateful that whatever it was had not escaped their notice. And belive me, your kind words will stay with that someone for a long time to come. Another benefit of compliments, is it helps to build up another person’s self-esteem. And as we all know, the stronger your self love foundation, the stronger you are able to withstand harmful words, attentions and actions. Isn’t it better to give someone a stronger shield than to pierce it yourself? (P.S. It ends up building your self confidence as well! Win-win!)
Yes, be yourself, but you can also be considerate. Remember your manners. Just because they are related to you doesn’t mean you don’t need to say “please” and “thank you”. Don’t take and take and take- what can you do to give back? So many adults are angry with a family member because they feel they are not getting the attention they feel they deserve. My question to you is, what are YOU doing to participate with the family? How often do YOU reach out to each of THEM? Aging Parents- It’s taken an enormous amount of time, money, effort, patience and love to raise you into adulthood. Don’t take it for granted. Be respectful. Be patient. It is such a difficult thing to KNOW that you are not as sharp or as healthy or as quick as you once were. It’s not like they don’t know of the changes happening in their lives. Life is busy. You have a life of your own. But don’t forget that at one time you were their whole life. Keep them in the loop.
I hope these simple starters are tiny little adjustments that you could add to your “attitude regiment” to have really and truly a happier and heart healthy new year and lasting relationships. * For more reading, Love Begins With You is available on Amazon! |
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