Regret- verb: to feel sad, repentant or disappointed over something that has happened or has been done, especially a loss or missed opportunity. No one makes it through life without regrets. Some can be minor and only bring a minor sting upon its remembrance, but others can feel like a heavy burden being drug around which can effect your present attitude and happiness in your future. Many regrets come from decisions that we've made that we wish we hadn't but it seems the most painful regrets are the ones in which we chose NOT to do something. We opted to take a safer, risk-free route instead of stepping out of our comfort zone and seeing what would happen. Let's look first at what we can do with the regrets that we still have hanging around our neck. -Face your regrets. Really take a moment to look at them. Why is it classified as a regret? Was it a choice you made? Was it something that was out of your control? Something someone else did? Pull all those painful, embarrassing, angry emotions up to the surface. - Take responsibility for your part. Avoid blaming others when you know ultimately we are rarely ever guilt-free. -Forgive. Forgive yourself. Forgive anyone else that was involved. Your past is your past. Forgiveness is going to take away those heavy feelings and begin the healing process, which in turn lets you let go. -Grieve. Now's the time to get all those emotions out and let them go. Sadness, anger, guilt, embarrassment... let them go. -Learn from them. Let every experience be a learning experience. Don't make the same mistake twice. "I made decisions that I regret, and took them as a learning experiences... I'm human, not perfect, like anybody else." - Queen Latifah And now, on to preventing those regrets of I wish I would have... -Suffer the pain of discipline or suffer the pain of regret. All growth begins at the end of your comfort zone. Take a risk. You'll never know if you don't try. The hardest part is taking the first step. -It's better to have a lifetime of experiences and mistakes that helped you grow and hone your skills, rather than an empty lonely heart and a past of empty, un-fulfilled dreams. -Don't let your past regret dominate your future goals. Reach for your dreams. You may fall short and you may even fail, but you'll never have to say, "I wish I had..." Go after your dreams and don't let anyone discourage you. Listen politely to others. Take the advice you can use, discard the rest. The final decision is yours. You will have no one else to blame if you don't take the chance. -It's not too late. Start today. You are on the cusp of a brand new year. Take this opportunity to jot down a few goals or just some things you want to concentrate on for the new year. How do you want to improve your mind? Job? Relationships? Finances? How will you choose to give back to others? What new things are you excited about learning? What do you have to do to get started? Take that first step. "Get correct views of life and learn to see the world in its true light. It will enable you to live pleasantly, to do good and when summoned away, to leave without regret." -Robert E. Lee The past is a memory. You don't live there anymore. The future is an anticipated thought. All we truly have is this moment. We keep forgetting that because we always look to the future for our happiness and it never gets here. It's always in the future. Pay attention to today. Don't let your life happen without you. Don't look back, into your past, into your memories, and see too many regrets. Start making your list now, and start on the prep work in between all the holiday shopping, baking, and visiting so you'll be ready when the new year hits and you'll be able to hit the ground running! Share your progress with me! Get an accountability partner! Get ready to launch an all new no regrets kind of year!!
0 Comments
When in Doubt, Take the Next Small Step I was never a big fan of setting goals. To me it was a way to measure my failures. If I never reached them, it wouldn't matter because I never made them! What a surprise it was that I'd stayed in the same exact spot for so many years without moving forward an inch. Once I figured out that goals were my ticket to something, anything... everything else, they became a part of my regular routine. My problem with goals is I would have all these grand ideas, (I never do anything small!) and then would have no idea how to accomplish them. So in my mind, I failed right out of the gate. And let's not forget the mentality I had, of needing it RIGHT NOW!! So, indeed, I was setting myself up for failure. These grand and truly wonderful plans I had, never made it off the paper because I wasn't patient enough to take the smaller steps it took to make them happen. I have since learned that a large goal is simply made up of many, many smaller goals or steps. Sometimes we don't know how we are going to get to where we are going, but we have to get started to find out. Such is life. "Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase." - Martin Luther King, Jr. You may not know where you are going to end up, but you have to take that first step in order to find out. God is pretty clever that way. He let's you see the big picture (that goal of where you want to go or what you want to be or just what you want next) but He wants you to rely on Him for the smaller steps of the journey along the way. He only lights your path as far as you can see, so we are never in complete darkness, because by the time you've taken that "last" step, the next one is presented to you. It's like looking down an avenue of streetlights. Each one illuminating their own little circle, but you can only see so far ahead of you. You must start walking in the circles of light to see where the street takes you. Imagine you're in one of those motion sensor tunnels, like in a James Bond movie. As you're walking down a completely dark and scary hallway, the sensor picks up your presence, and it lights a few more steps for you. As the light comes on and the immediate surroundings are illuminated, they are not quite as scary. We are not meant to know every single step of the journey. It is a learning process. Work ahead as far as you can and then have faith that when you get there, the next instructions will be there waiting. It actually all happens so smoothly that you never realize you were ever in the dark at all. When you look back at all of your steps, they were placed in just the right order. You learned all the things you needed to know to get to the next step. Eventually, as you look back, your starting steps are all but a memory. That first building you came out of into the darkness, was actually your first point of light. And when those times come that you stumble or fall, get back up, brush yourself off and take that next step. The first steps are always the scariest. I have a friend that always told me that God IS there and He WILL steer the boat, but you have to get it out to sea first. He can do nothing with it still tied to the dock. This taught me that I can't wait for things to get "just right" or sometimes all the ducks refuse to get in a row until you wrangle the first couple. But trust. Have faith. Untie the boat and make those first few strokes to get it out into open water. See all the wonderful things He can do if you let Him light your path. Make those goals. Break them down and see how many steps you can work on until you reach the edge of the light. And then, take one more step and watch the light in the darkness stretch out before you. Get up when you stumble. And when in doubt, just take the next small step and see what happens! Your word is the lamp to my feet and a light for my path. Psalm 119:105 What new goals are you tackling? How have you overcome your fears to "take the next step"? What other advice can you give to those who might be stuck? My Latest Passion I love to dance. LOVE to dance. If my feet are touching the floor and there is music in the air, I'm usually wiggling around in some way. I used to get my fill of dance by teaching ballet and jazz and then ballroom or doing the choreography for summer camps or shows, but my life has changed so drastically over the last few years that I have not been able to partake in these old stand-bys. It seemed that nightclubs were my only option to shake my groove thing, but that takes you late into the night and being around all that smoke is no buenos. And people frown at you when you want to go all the time. (What? The band is REALLY good! I need to dance!) Couldn't join a Ballroom Club because my schedule changes every week and you usually need a partner. But oh! How I love those Latin rhythms! I love to salsa and cha cha and rhumba ... sigh. What's a dancer to do? I have discovered Zumba!! I know it's been around for a while and I have heard of it... I was always curious... I assumed it was more of an exercise routine, like Jazzercise. Uh, not interested.... But then I saw an infomercial. (I know. Don't judge me!!) They looked like they were having SO much fun!! And I certainly wouldn't object to my abs looking like theirs. I ordered. I AM HAVING SO MUCH FUN!!!! I LOVE ZUMBA!!! I Zumba every day. Sometimes I Zumba twice a day! I get to get my Latin groove on, get some exercise and fulfill my need to dance. Granted, it is no ballet or ballroom, but it does require the same kind of discipline! I am loving the challenges it is giving me! I am so excited!! Whoops.... In the midst of my raving, I realized that you have come to expect some kind of advice or encouragement from the blog posts and this one just kind of turned out to be a personal fun one for me... but let me think... how can I turn this into a lesson? We can go the exercise is good for you route...nah. I'm going to go with the "Add Four New Positive Habits A Year" route (that's straight from the Total Truth Workshop!) AND the ever popular, Do What You Love theme. It is good to always continue to expand your mind (and body) to new techniques and applications that will help you consistently build on what you already know. So by adding four new habits a year, hopefully you're replacing bad ones and you are in a constant state of improvement. Zumba is definitely something new for me. It takes what I already knew about Latin dancing and kicks it up a notch. Good for my body. Good for my brain and it really is true what they say about exercise, I am more energetic and focused and motivated! (This completes my four quota for this year too!) And- Doing what you love makes you happy and when you're happy you are more likely to share that joy with others WHICH in turn, brings it back to you. Follow your heart, do what you love and share your happiness with others. *contented sigh* I think that about sums it up! Have a great week everyone! What's that? A little calypso drum? I think yes!! We all have things in life that we want. We think, "Oh, if I can just get that one thing, then I'll be happy!" If I could just lose 50 pounds, buy that house, run that race, see the Mayan ruins, quit smoking... The list is never ending. And it should be. Because if you are not constantly striving for something, you're life will become stagnant. And who wants that? There is a difference between contentedness and stagnant. Content is being satisfied with your life and how it is progressing. Being happy in the still moments. Stagnant is when you have given up on your dreams and are just making your way from day to day doing the necessary things that have to be done to survive. Wishing that things could be different but knowing that they won't. See? Doesn't that sound boring and depressing? We don't want that. So, on that note, what are you striving for today? And what are the things you are doing to get there? I am proud of you for reaching. Happiness is a moving target. Don't wait to reach those BIG items to enjoy happiness. The truth is, the things that made us happy before might not make us happy now. Don't wait, putting all your happiness in one basket so that if you never lose that fifty pounds or buy that house you will feel like a failure or feel you don't deserve to be happy. Stop and smell the daffodils! There is happiness to be found all around us. Don't wait! It will make your journey toward your bigger goals so much better and you'll be able to keep rolling through those rough spots a little easier when you focus on the big picture. Celebrate as you go. I always encourage people to have several goals. Long term, short term and daily goals. Mix it up! Add to your list! Find new things that excite you and make you want to go after them. Remove the ones that when you look at them you're like, "What was I thinking?" Check your goal list often and make sure you are still working toward happiness. Perhaps you have been working on something so long and you've forgotten why you're pursuing it. Or maybe you have reached your goal and it no longer fulfills you. Find your happiness. Don't just sit on the couch and wish for it. Cliff Notes: When you reach your goals, even the small ones, celebrate. And while you're on the road to reaching said goals, find happiness along the way. Life is more than the destination. It's about all the little stops along the way too. I've always known I was meant to be in an instructional role of some sort. I have always been the one people come to with their problems. My glass is always half full when I look into someone else's future. I even had a tutoring "school" on the front porch of my house when I was a kid to help out the other kids on the block with their school work. But I didn't know at what capacity I was meant to be an educator and to whom. And writing? I've been writing stories forever! But I didn't want to go to college to BE a journalist. I didn't want to go to college to BE a teacher. I didn't want to go to college to BE a psychologist. I didn't want to go to college to BE an anything! "It takes too long!" is the mantra I belonged to. I wanted life to begin right here and now. I have eventually reached the teaching capacity I was meant to achieve and I am happier now than I have ever been. And I am a published author! Something I never took the time to do before and my self-confidence lead me to believe that it could never happen. And looking back, I was bucking my destination the entire time. The beauty of it is, God works all things out for the good. So all of my side roads, all of my smaller chunks of education, all of my experiences, built up and have led me right back to where He wanted me to be in the first place. My calling. My calling is to educate and coach, to help others see their potential, to lead by love and... to write. Which, I had apparently been doing all along, I just didn't know what to call it and I SURE didn't get paid for it! I don't regret my decisions (well, most of them) because they have made me who I am today and I am grateful for that. Sometimes I think I would have gotten into less trouble if I went the 4-8 year college route, but then I think- it would have just been different trouble. And here I am, almost...uh, well, older, doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing, but taking the longest route ever to get here!! Granted, it makes me unique in the experiences I have to share, but if I'd have known how satisfying my life could have been twenty-something years ago, maybe, just maybe, I could have started it sooner. My point in all of this, is that it's never too late to do what you want to be doing. I had to figure out what I wanted to be doing, and that was part of my problem but so often I hear, "I can't go back to school!" "I can't find a new career!" "I can't buy a house." You're busy with life. I get it. But you only get one. Shouldn't it be the best it can be? And I'm not saying to turn your world upside down to get to the life you want, but at least take a step. ONE step. And then maybe you'll be ready for another one. And don't let money get in your way! There are many things you could be doing BEFORE it gets to the money part, even if one of those things means tucking away a dollar here and a dollar there so when the money part DOES come up, you'll be ready. You're not going to be a doctor over night. You're not going to be an all-star pitcher over night. You're not going to be the number one real estate agent over night. You're not suddenly going to be able to buy that new Hog over night. All of those things happen because of one step. That pitcher, probably threw that ball thousands of times before someone caught a glimpse of that talent. That doctor has probably been reading and talking with people in the field long before she signed up for school. But suddenly, you look back and one step after another, you've climbed a mountain. You got that degree. You saved up for that vacation. And when you look back on your life you'll be able to say "I did," instead of, "I wish I had." Take the one step. You never know where that new path will lead you. Sometimes even to places you would have never suspected. What are your priorities? What moves you to work a little harder? What motivates you to reach your goals? What is on that priority list that you keep in your head? Do those items move your forward? Or work as a reward for you? Or keep you in defeating habits? Traveling, is a priority to me. It seems to me that I am most productive when I am traveling. I'm not sure why that is... Maybe its the lack of a set schedule, or the relaxed state of mind that I fall into when I am allowed to leave my daily grind. Or maybe it's just the change of scenery that shakes things up a bit. When I am driving, out on the long highways of America, a couple things happen. First, I am so filled with a patriotic pride that I live in a country where I am allowed to freely move through state after state just because I want to. And let's not forget the beauty that each state has to offer as I pass through their small towns and big cities and miles and miles of untouched land. I get to meet and talk with people from all walks of life and all matters of culture, and food! Don't even get me started on the variety of foods there are to try! And second, those hours spent in the car, my mind is free and has no boundaries. I come up with my best ideas, story-lines and future plans behind the wheel of my SUV. Being able to travel is a high priority for me. Even when my budget is tight, I have to make an allowance that will let me travel. Usually to an ocean destination. The ocean feeds me, makes me feel strong and yet very small at the same time. It literally washes away my tension and no matter how many times I see it, I stand in awe. When I am allowed to travel, I write more (which is important for an author!). I am inspired. I feel sense of worth and can clearly see the goals for my future. I also know that these circumstances are limited, so I try and make the most while I am away. A little work, a little sight seeing, a little cultural experience and a little relax time. It's a balance that has taken me years to perfect! I also travel because the winter does bad things to me! I absolutely hate to be cold and am not a big fan of snow. But for the moment, I must stay where I am residentially, so I use travel to help break up the long dark winters. And finally, traveling keeps me moving forward. Literally. It works in a circle. I am more motivated to reach my goals, to create more speaking events, to make more money, to be able to travel. And now being asked to travel AS my job? Well, that's just about perfect! I am so thankful that my world is opening up to create those opportunities! Keeping those priorities in front of me!! Keeping me on the road and traveling... So keep an eye out for me in your town in the near future. I am going to be offering a whole new series of seminars and speaking topics!! I am so excited about what my future has in store for me and I am excited to share it with you! I'm looking forward to meeting you and visiting your home towns. So, if you live in a warm climate I could show up any time! But if you live in the colder climates, I'll be around to visit in the summers! Big things happening at elizabethbourgeret.com! Stay tuned so you don't miss a thing! |
Follow Elizabeth on Facebook!Archives
August 2023
Categories
All
|