I am not the same person I was. I am changing and growing and discovering who I am meant to be on a daily basis.
There was a time when I thought I was permanently "damaged" and that was just how things were going to be. I still have to choose every single day to go toward the sunshine since my brain automatically leads me to the dark, rainy side of life. I have to make a conscious decision to be happy that day (and several more times throughout the day. Depression is persistent.)
Some days my body doesn't want to cooperate and when I "cheat" on my diet, I feel it. My hands and feet and back and neck scream at me when I do "too much." Rheumatoid arthritis is persistent as well. But I choose to do it anyway.
I still love too much and usually too deeply. I am too trusting and always want to see the best in a person. I have trouble staying focused because something new always catches my eye. And I am guilty of taking unnecessary risks. I am always... searching for ... something.
It was only about three years ago, that I finally figured out what direction that I wanted my life to go. I discovered that I was in charge of my future, and anyone else that pushed or pulled me into one direction or another did so, because I allowed it. That was a tough truth to swallow.
I'm still figuring out many of the how's and why's of actually getting to live out my dreams of writing and traveling. But I am taking all my positives and all of my... pitfalls and am learning how to work with them or improve them to be a better me. It's a daily process and it will never be completed as I hope that I am always improving and perfecting and ... searching.
I know that I am meant to be a teacher of sorts and in a heart-based way, but I don't know what my avenue is to give and to help others heal or find happiness, or love. Still working on that. I am part way there... just gotta figure out the particulars. I am living as a full-time camper, traveling here and there, and I am writing, but my first attempt at traveling workshops failed miserably. I learned lots of lessons that month!!
I am still teachable. I am still grateful for all the blessings in my life (even though some of them look a like failures or mistakes). I am still writing. I am still loving. And I receive love in return. Everything else is just a bump in the road.
The more I practice what I preach, the happier I am.
I love who I am becoming.